1. An Unknown Lake
It is said there is a train station near my homestay family. Thus, I decided to look for it. I don’t have a map, and I don’t need a map. Stepping out of the home, I began to ask pedestrians “Excuse me, where is the nearby train station?” After bothering several nice strangers, I was close to the station.
All of a sudden, I noticed a “park” on my way, which is common in Canadian neighborhoods. I went into it by the path. Around three minutes later, an unknown lake came into being!!
At the dawning of the day, it appeared quite tranquil. My crossing a wooden bridge, some ducks caught my eye. I stopped and counted them. Seven in all! Five of them are cub, and an adult duck was leading them swimming across the lake. Fortunately, they stopped at a cluster of grass under the bridge. Perhaps it was their home.
These ducks made some ripples both on the surface of the lake and in my heart. I looked at them. But where is my peaceful life? I miss my parents. Now that my university doesn’t locate in my hometown, I have been separated from Daddy and Mummy for almost three years. During that time, who takes care of them? Although I never talk this idea with my parents, I’m worried about them in case of accidents. Sometimes, I consider whether I should pursue my study or not. If it is the case, my parents are going to face retiring, that is, their salary will be cut down sharply and I won’t find a job to support a family. : (
Given that I’m 21, I should take on the responsibility of making my parents live a rich and respectful living. Nevertheless, I am tooooo weak. I can’t control my future confidently. I hate myself!!
Harboring this self-critical feeling, I walked out of the park slowly and went to the train station.
2. The Train Station
At first sight, a train came by with vapor, and commuters took off. After this last train, no one stayed except me. I stretched out my arms, allowing wind to blow my hair and clothes.
If I can abandon all the troubles…
I stood for hours, watching the changeable clouds. However, in my mind, I was thinking of the experience of taking subway a few days ago.
I hadn’t expected to go to anywhere. I did just take on the subway. It took me around circle by circle. That experiece reminded me of IKARI ShINJI (碇シンジ, or 碇 真嗣), a famous Japanese manga figure of EVA (Evangelion). He is conceived of as the represent of “post-heroism”. They are weak, passive and lack of an existential sense. They think they are abandoned by the times; hence, they try to escape their “time mission” inflicted on by their parent’s generation. Even if they compromise to action in the end, they still feel reluctant in their heart in so as far as they know they are merely tools in the name of “mission”. Secretly, they often question themselves and human.
In the EVA, a famous episode of SHINJI is that he sits on a running Japanese subway, one circle after another, listening to his music. Each time I see this section, his loneliness comes out to my heart, and occupies it deeply. What’s my future? What should I do? Can I jump out of the present situation? Who can help me? What are others doing? Tiredness, helplessness and loneliness. We don’t believe so-called authorities, but is it possible for us to become new idols? We are devoid of strength and hope.
A desperate generation…
1 comment:
21 is quite young, you know! It seems to me that there is a lot of time yet for you.
My parents used to tell me that the thing a child really owes his or her parents is nothing specific, no kind of success or amount of success or specific way to live, but just to live his or her own life, just to value that gift -- not to do nothing with it, and not to try to give it back in some sort of sacrifice. They are curious about what their child will do, and they want to see what he or she really wants.
Post a Comment